Joke Lang Po!

As always, these jokes were sent to me by dear Jane. Keep them coming Jane, thanks a lot! sorry for the language, I apologize if some are "for adults only" jokes but siguro naman lahat tayo dito adults na kaya OK lang di ba? Enjoy reading, patawa lang po ito, walang seryosohan.

VARICOSE VEINS

WIFE: Doc bakit po lumabas yung mga ugat sa bird ng mister ko?

DOC: Varicose veins yun misis.

WIFE: Anong cause non?

DOC: Pareho din sa legs mo, pag laging nakatayo!

LACOSTE

ERAP (galit na galit): There have been a lot of ALLEGATIONS against me and I like to know who the ALLIGATORS are!!!

I LIKE THE WAY YOU THINK

TEACHER: Juan, if there were 5 birds sitting on the fence, and you shoot one with your gun, how many would be left?

JUAN: None because the rest would fly.

TEACHER: Well the answer is 4, but i like the way you're thinking.

JUAN: I have a question for you ma'am. There are 3 women in the ice cream shop, one was licking her cone, the second was biting her cone and the 3rd was sucking her cone. Which one is married?

TEACHER: I guess the one sucking the cone.

JUAN: No ma'am, the one with a wedding ring in her finger, but I like the way you're thinking.

LATE

Tumatakbo ang isang bata dahil ma-le-leyt na sya.Nagdasal sya, "Diyos ko, tulungan nyo po akong huwag ma-leyt."Sa kanyang pagmamadali ay nadapa sya."Diyos ko naman, wag nyo po akong itulak."

PASSWORD

A man was setting up his new e-mail address in his computer with his wife sitting beside him. Feeling macho and horny, he keyed in "PENIS" as his e-mail password. His wife fell off her chair laughing when the computer replied: "PASSWORD NOT LONG ENOUGH"

ROLE MODEL

ANAK: Tay , pag laki ko gusto ko maging katulad mo.

TATAY: Gusto mo ring maging doctor anak?

ANAK: Hindi po tay, gusto ko ring maka-SEX si yaya!

KIDLAT

May isang lalaking lasing na umihi sa pader nang biglang kumidlat!Napasigaw ang lalaki."Lord wag nyo pong ipapa-develope yan, supot pa po ako eh."

DIRTY OLD MEN

3 palatandaan sa lalaking tumatanda:1. Daliri na lang ang tumitigas.2. Balahibo na lang ang tumatayo.3. Mukha na lang ang nagagalit.

MANANAWAGAN RADIO

ANNOUNCER: Lolo, mananawagan po ba kayo?

LOLO: Opo.

RADIO ANNOUNCER: Ilang taon na po ba kayo?

LOLO: 98 na po.

RADIO ANNOUNCER: Wow! Ang tanda nyo na pala! Sige po lolo, manawagan na po kayo.

LOLO: Kuya, umuwi ka na, di na galit si daddy sa yo.

BISHOP'S ADVICE

A childless wife asked for an advice on how to get pregnant.

BISHOP: Did you try praying?

WOMAN: Yes, but nothing happened.

BISHOP: How about the rosary?

WOMAN: Nightly.

BISHOP: Then try ONE of "OUR FATHERS".

BISHOP'S LAST WISH

An Old Bishop on deathbed had a last wish to see a naked GRO.When the GRO came and stripped all the way ...The Bishop said, "Sus! Parehas din pala sa Madre!"

HEALING SESSION

PRIEST: Put your hand on the part that needs healing.Wife puts hand on husband's penis.

PRIEST: I said HEALING not RESURRECTION OF THE DEAD!

BIG LOSER "Pare, big loser ako sa boxing last sunday.I placed all my bets on Barrera, sabi kasi ni Ara sa akin, hindi kaya ni Manny na tumagal ng 2 rounds."

JAPANESE FOOD

Erap in a Japanese Restaurant ....

ERAP: I will have a TA-KEHO-ME

WAITER: Hindi po pagkain yan."TAKE HOME" po ang basa dyan.

SENIOR CITIZEN

Lolo with a Prostitute ....

LOLO: Ineng, pag nag-sex tayo, magkano ang ibabayad ko?"

PROSTI: 1 thousand po, Lolo.

Pagkatapos mag-sex ... inabot ang bayad ...

PROSTI: Lolo, bakit 800 lang to?!

LOLO: Senior Citizen ako, may 20% discount!!!

ESSAY

Teacher's Instruction: Write an essay in a few words discussing RELIGION, SEXUALITY and MYSTERY.

Student wrote: MY GOD, I'M PREGNANT, I WONDER WHO THE FATHER IS.

BABALA

Huwag laruan ang puso ng babae dahil nag-iisa lang yan ...Ok lang laruan ang suso dahil dalawa naman yan.

ANG HIRAP

Ang hirap magsabi ng "SORRY"Ang hirap magsabi ng "MAHAL KITA"Ang hirap magsabi ng "KAILANGAN KITA"Pero nalaman ko na ...Pinakamahirap palang sabihin ang ....

"LOWER RURAL RULER" ng sampung beses